Choosing Myself: Learning to Live Without the Mask

Can you imagine living in a world where you can be authentically yourself? A world where you can say what you want, when you want—always in a kind, positive, and supportive way—without code-switching, shrinking, or constantly monitoring how you’re being perceived?

A world where you are simply free to be you—wherever you are and whoever you’re with.

For a long time, that world felt out of reach for me.

Wearing Too Many Masks

I wear several different masks throughout the day. At work, I have to code-switch constantly just to be taken seriously. I carefully choose my words, watch my tone, and manage my emotions. Even when I’m frustrated—or flat-out pissed off—I have to keep my cool. Not because my feelings aren’t valid, but because I don’t want to be reduced to a stereotype or labeled as the “angry Black woman.”

That pressure is heavy. And it’s exhausting.

With my family, the expectations look different, but the weight is still there. I’m expected to keep it together and show up for everyone else. Because I don’t have children and I’m not in a romantic relationship, the assumption is that I have all this freedom. I’m doing well for myself, so what problems could I possibly have? What could I possibly need?

Because I choose peace and stay out of drama, it’s assumed that I don’t have struggles. That I don’t need anyone to check on me or ask how I’m really doing.

Always Being the Strong One

In my friendships, I’ve often been the strong one—the supporter, the checker-inner, the one making sure everyone else is okay because they always have so much going on.

And when I was in a romantic relationship, I carried the emotional, financial, and mental weight for both of us. He couldn’t get himself together, and stepping up felt like too much for him. So I became both the man and the woman in the relationship. I held everything together while quietly falling apart.

I could never catch a break.

Living the Life I Was Told to Want

When I really sit with it, I realize I’ve been wearing a mask my entire life. I did everything I was told to do.

Go to college.
Get a degree.
Get a job.
Pay your bills.
Get married.
Have children.

I checked off the boxes I was supposed to check—except the ones I never truly desired. I haven’t gotten married. I don’t have children. And honestly, I don’t want either.

Still, I felt trapped. Trapped inside a version of myself I was expected to be, not the person I actually am.

For years, I felt like something was missing in every area of my life. And eventually, I realized the truth:

I was missing.

Finding Myself Again

Don’t get me wrong—I am deeply grateful for every opportunity God has blessed me with. Each one taught me valuable lessons and helped shape me into who I am today. But even with gratitude, there was always this quiet feeling that something greater was absent.

And once again, that missing piece was me.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m living as my authentic self. I’m chasing my dreams—not the ones I was told to have, not the ones that look good on paper, but the ones that actually light my soul on fire.

I’m finally starting to remove the mask.

Is it fully off? No.
But am I taking steps every single day to be myself? Absolutely.

And let me tell you—it’s freeing. It’s liberating. It feels like coming home to myself.

Choosing Me, On Purpose

I don’t know exactly where this journey is headed, but I do know this: we only get one life. And I want to live mine in a way that feels true to me. I’m excited for this adventure, even with the uncertainty, because for the first time—it’s mine.

So if you’re reading this and you feel trapped…
If you feel like you’re not living as your authentic self…

I encourage you to follow your heart. Chase your dreams. Go after what you truly want in life. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you.

You only get one life—live it to its fullest potential. Don’t settle. I’ve spent my entire life settling, and for the first time, I refuse to do that anymore just because it’s easier.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for. It won’t be easy, but neither is staying stuck.

You got this, sis. 🤍