The Beauty of Singleness: Learning Myself for the First Time
For the first time in my life, I am truly alone—no boo, no situationship, no friend with benefits… absolutely nothing. And honestly? It feels strange, but it also feels freeing.
I spent seven years in a toxic, abusive relationship throughout high school and college. Then, in adulthood, I went through another three-year toxic and abusive relationship. My biggest fear was always being alone. I didn’t think I could handle the silence, the stillness, or the space where it was just me and my thoughts.
But God has a funny way of placing you exactly where you need to be, even when you don’t understand it. And right now? I am grateful He pushed me into the one season I avoided the most—singleness.
The Gift in My Greatest Fear
Being alone used to terrify me, but stepping into this season has taught me so much about myself. I don’t feel lonely because I know God is with me every step of the way. For the first time in my life, I can think straight, see clearly, and feel true peace.
It’s sad that I had to be alone to feel this way—but I’m thankful. If life hadn’t unfolded the way it did, I wouldn’t have had the chance to truly get to know myself. I would’ve kept pouring into relationships that were draining my soul.
We live in a world where everybody wants somebody, and nobody wants to be alone. And companionship is beautiful—don’t get me wrong. Being in love, when it’s healthy, safe, and reciprocal, is one of the most beautiful things in the world.
But what’s even more beautiful?
Finding peace, joy, and wholeness within yourself first.
Why Singleness Is Important
Singleness is not punishment. It’s preparation.
It is the season where:
You learn your worth instead of accepting bare minimum effort.
You understand your triggers and patterns so you don’t repeat them.
You grow spiritually and emotionally without distractions.
You rediscover the parts of you that were buried under survival mode.
You build confidence that doesn't depend on validation from someone else.
You finally hear God clearly because there’s no chaos drowning Him out.
Singleness is the time God uses to shape you, strengthen you, and soften you in the areas that were wounded. It’s where He rebuilds you from the inside out.
Tips to Embrace Your Singleness
If you’re struggling in your single season, here are some things that helped me:
1. Try New Hobbies
Go explore something you’ve always wanted to do—painting, dancing, yoga, hiking, journaling, crafting. You don’t need company to enjoy life.
2. Take Yourself on Solo Dates
Yes, dress up and take yourself out:
Make the reservation.
Buy yourself flowers.
Do your hair, makeup, nails—and go somewhere nice.
I’m not consistent, but I try to take myself on a solo date every few weeks. I put on makeup, do my hair, get cute, and take myself to dinner and a movie. It was honestly one of the best dates I’ve ever been on.
3. Go on Walk Dates With Yourself
I love being near water, so I find trails near lakes or rivers. Sometimes I walk and listen to music. Sometimes I read. Sometimes I just sit, look at nature, and breathe.
4. Create a Self-Care Routine
Pamper yourself—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Meditate. Pray. Stretch. Moisturize. Rest. You deserve it.
5. Let Yourself Feel Everything
There will be up-and-down days. Trust me: the sleepless nights, the longing for companionship, wishing you had someone to carry the heavy groceries inside, someone to cook dinner with—or for you.
Those feelings are normal. They don’t mean you’re weak. They mean you’re human.
Choosing Peace Over Companionship
Yes, being single is hard sometimes. But being in a relationship that is unfulfilling, unsafe, or draining is so much harder.
Right now, I am enjoying the woman I’m becoming far more than I ever enjoyed being in a relationship that wasn’t feeding my soul. I am learning, growing, healing, and becoming whole. And I know that when the time is right, God will send someone who aligns with the healed version of me—not the broken version I used to settle from.
This season is not about loneliness.
It’s about becoming the best version of yourself.
And I promise—when you treat singleness as a blessing instead of a burden, everything changes.
