Single on Purpose: Dating Myself and Protecting My Peace

Are You Single by Choice—or Obligation?

Are you single?

Are you single by choice—or by obligation?

If you are single, how are you embracing this season? How are you spending time with yourself? How are you loving yourself? What do you enjoy about dating you?

I ask these questions because the way you treat yourself while you’re single is often a direct reflection of how you show up in relationships—and how you allow others to treat you.

Dating Yourself Is Where Healing Begins

I truly believe that when you’re single, you should date yourself. Take yourself out. Speak to yourself kindly. Love on yourself. Spoil yourself. Learn how to fall in love with you before inviting someone else into your life.

For the last 18 years, I was almost always in a relationship or a situationship. This is the first time in my adult life that I am truly single. No roster. No friends with benefits. No one I’m entertaining. Nothing. Completely dry—and completely intentional.

Facing the Fear of Being Alone

I used to be afraid of being alone. That fear kept me settling, overgiving, and ignoring red flags. But now that I’m facing one of my biggest fears, this season has been transformative in ways I never expected.

Being single has taught me how to slow down.
It has taught me how to give myself grace.
It has taught me how to be productive without burning myself out.
Most importantly, it has helped me rebuild my self-esteem—something I truly thought I would never get back.

When You Fall in Love With Potential

I am single by choice.

I could have stayed in my previous relationship, but it became toxic, and I completely lost sight of who I was. We were not equally yoked—we never were. The red flags were always there, but I ignored them because I believed I could save him. I believed that if I loved him enough, supported him enough, or changed him enough, he would become the man I knew he could be.

But I didn’t fall in love with reality.
I fell in love with potential.

And I learned that love should never require you to abandon yourself.

Choosing Singleness Is Not Bitterness

I want to be clear about something: I am not single out of bitterness.

I am single because I realized I hadn’t truly loved myself for the last 18 years.

Throughout my relationships, I experienced physical, sexual, emotional, and mental abuse. Healing didn’t magically happen when those relationships ended—it required deep, uncomfortable internal work. I am still doing that work. I am not perfect, and I am still unlearning patterns that no longer serve me.

Right now, I am choosing to focus intentionally on myself—my healing, my purpose, and my power.

And that choice is valid.

Listening to Myself Changed Everything

Recently, I went out to dinner with my mom and sister. Our waiter was kind, attentive, and attractive. He gave great customer service and even gave me his number before I left. My mom and sister were excited and immediately began encouraging me to text him.

But I didn’t feel the need to.

Not because I’m bitter.
Not because I’m closed off.
Not because there was anything wrong with him.

I’m simply not interested in sharing myself with someone else right now.

In the past, I would have ignored my gut and reached out because of other people’s opinions and expectations. I would have given someone access to me because it felt easier than honoring my truth.

This time, I listened to myself.

And that is growth.

Choosing Peace Over Pressure

If you’re constantly second-guessing something, it’s usually a sign something isn’t aligned. The right situation, the right person, the right season will not leave you in confusion. It will feel calm. It will feel safe. It will feel like peace.

Enjoy the journey of being single. Don’t rush it. Slow down. Take your time. Trust yourself.

This season is teaching me how to choose myself—and I refuse to apologize for that.

A Moment to Reflect

If this season is calling you inward, allow yourself to sit with it. You don’t need all the answers right now—just honesty.

• Am I single by choice, or am I staying in situations out of fear of being alone?

• How do I treat myself when no one else is around?

• In what ways have I ignored my intuition in past relationships?

• Have I ever fallen in love with someone’s potential instead of their reality?

• What parts of myself have I abandoned to make a relationship work?

• What does “dating myself” look like in this season of my life?

• Am I listening to my own voice, or prioritizing the expectations of others?

• What boundaries do I need to protect my peace right now?

• Does the idea of being single bring me anxiety, relief, or clarity—and why?

• What would choosing myself fully look like today?

Take your time with these questions. Growth doesn’t happen when we rush—it happens when we listen.