Healing Isn’t Linear: Learning to Sit With the Hard Days (Part One)

I was very naive about the healing process.

I knew healing wasn’t going to be linear—everyone says that—but I don’t think I truly understood what that meant. I didn’t expect everything to magically fall into place, but I also didn’t expect healing to be this difficult. I didn’t expect the weight of it. I didn’t expect the exhaustion. And I definitely didn’t expect the number of hard days that would come with choosing to heal.

If I’m being honest, I thought healing would eventually lead me to a place where the hard days became rare. What I didn’t realize was that healing itself creates hard days.

I’ve had more hard days than happy ones lately. Days where I felt heavy for no clear reason. Days where I questioned my progress. Days where I wondered if I was actually healing at all. But as uncomfortable as those days have been, I’m grateful for them. The hard days have taught me more about myself than the easy ones ever could. They’ve shown me who I am, what I want, what I no longer want, and—maybe most importantly—what genuinely brings me peace.

Healing, for me, has been both freeing and painful.

Freeing because I’m finally allowing myself to feel, to release, and to grow. Painful because healing required me to dig up things I buried a long time ago. Things I convinced myself I was “over.” Things I avoided because it was easier to pretend they didn’t exist. At some point, though, healing demands honesty. It asks you to sit with yourself, to look in the mirror, and to stop running from what you see.

For the past 18 years, I’ve looked at myself in the mirror and couldn’t truly tell you who I was. I was staring at a stranger—someone shaped by survival, expectations, and past versions of myself that no longer fit. I spent years disconnected from who I really was, unsure of my identity, my needs, or my voice.

I’m still very much in the process. Healing didn’t suddenly hand me clarity or confidence. But the person I’m starting to see now—the woman staring back at me—I’m slowly learning to love her. Not because she’s perfect, but because she’s honest. She’s trying. She’s choosing growth even when it hurts.

Everyone’s healing journey looks different, and I truly believe that as humans, we’re always healing from something. Healing doesn’t end—it evolves. We grow, we unlearn, we relearn, and with that growth come lessons we can apply to the mistakes we made in the past. Healing isn’t about erasing what happened; it’s about understanding it, learning from it, and deciding how you want to move forward.

Advice for Anyone on a Healing Journey

If you’re healing, here’s what I’ve learned so far:

Give yourself permission to move at your own pace. Healing is not a race, and there is no timeline you have to meet. Some days will feel light, others will feel unbearably heavy—both are part of the process.

Be honest with yourself, even when the truth is uncomfortable. Healing begins the moment you stop lying to yourself about what hurt you, what you tolerated, and what you truly deserve.

Allow yourself to grieve—people, moments, versions of yourself, and even dreams that no longer align with who you’re becoming. Grief doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you cared.

Most importantly, choose yourself daily. Even in small ways. Especially on the days when it feels hardest.

This is only the beginning of my healing story. I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t pretend to. What I do have is a willingness to keep going, even on the hard days—especially on the hard days.

Stay tuned for the rest of this journey as I continue to share, reflect, and heal out loud.