Healing Comes With Grief
Healing comes with grief.
Grief for the person you once were.
Grief for the things you used to tolerate—from yourself and from others.
Grief for the “bad habits” you once clung to for comfort.
Grief for the reality that some people who were once close to you may no longer be meant to walk beside you.
This is a part of healing that no one really prepares you for.
I’ve lost a lot of friends and family members throughout my healing journey. And when I say “lost,” I mean that God removed them from my life. I fought Him on it for a long time. I made excuses. I justified staying connected to people and patterns that no longer aligned with who I was becoming.
I would say things like:
“I grew up with this person.”
“This person is family.”
“I can’t just walk away; they’re my blood.”
“We’ve been friends for so long—we’re just in different seasons right now.”
I convinced myself that time, history, and familiarity were reasons to stay—even when my peace was being disrupted. I questioned God constantly, asking if He was sure He wanted me to let certain things go. Things I had no intention of giving up.
For example, marijuana.
I had no intention of quitting smoking.
I had no intention of letting go of explicit music.
I had no intention of changing my views around sex.
But God took those things away from me anyway.
And honestly? I fought Him on that too.
Do I miss them? If I’m being real—less and less every day.
Because while He removed those things, He replaced them with something far greater: clarity, focus, and discipline.
I now listen to a lot of Soul Lo-Fi music, and I didn’t realize how much my nervous system needed it. I never understood how deeply explicit lyrics affected my anxiety and my thought patterns until I stepped away from them. My mind feels calmer. My spirit feels quieter. I’m more present.
I’m no longer playing roulette with my period—which I am incredibly grateful for. I’m no longer dealing with the side effects of birth control that left my hormones all over the place, caused weight gain, and created constant changes in my cycle. I’m no longer worrying about diseases, getting the munchies, or carrying unnecessary bills tied to habits that weren’t serving me.
I’m no longer involved in unnecessary drama.
I’m focused on my goals.
I’m pouring into myself.
Do I miss the person I once was?
Honestly, no.
Because the woman I was before did not love herself. She did not respect herself. She had no peace, no discipline, no focus, no clarity. She lived in constant survival mode. Her self-esteem was low, and she was unsure of who she was and what she deserved.
The woman I am evolving into is focused, busy, peaceful, and clear. She is finding her happiness. She is developing her purpose. She is no longer fighting the process.
I’ve stopped fighting God over grieving who I used to be. I’ve accepted that grief is part of the transformation. And the woman I am becoming feels authentic, peaceful, and genuinely happy.
Advice for Anyone on a Healing Journey
If you are healing and experiencing grief, please know this:
Grief is okay. Grief doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision—it means you’re honoring the version of yourself that did the best she could with what she knew at the time.
Allow yourself to grieve without shame. Grieve the habits, the people, the routines, and the versions of yourself that no longer fit. Be gentle with that person. Thank her for getting you this far. Then let her go.
Trust that what God removes is making room for something better, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first. Healing often feels like loss before it feels like freedom.
And most importantly, don’t rush the process. You don’t have to have everything figured out. Just keep showing up, keep choosing peace, and keep walking toward the person God is calling you to be.
I’m still stepping into that woman. But I love the direction she’s heading in.
Thank you, God.
If this resonated with you, I encourage you to reflect on what you may be grieving—and what God may be preparing you for on the other side. Stay tuned for the next part of this healing journey.
