Set Boundaries to Protect Your Peace
I recently read Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life, by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend, and it reminded me just how essential boundaries are for maintaining our peace — especially as Black women navigating a world that often asks us to do more, give more, and be more.
The Unique Challenges Black Women Face
As Black women, many of us grow up carrying the weight of multiple expectations. We are often expected to be strong, nurturing, resilient, and always available — whether for family, friends, colleagues, or our communities. We are socialized to care deeply, to hold space for everyone else, and to “keep it together” no matter what.
While these traits can be admirable, they can also be draining and dangerous to our mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Saying yes to everything, pleasing everyone, or ignoring our own needs often comes at the cost of our peace.
Growing up, my grandmother would often remind me, “Everyone ain’t going to like you.” At the time, hearing that felt heavy. I wanted everyone to love me, to see me, to approve of me. I would sacrifice my own energy and needs just to maintain harmony or avoid disappointment.
But over time, I realized that no amount of pleasing or showing up for others could replace my own sense of self-worth or protect my peace.
The Power of Boundaries
Setting boundaries has been transformative in my life. I am not refusing to show up for others out of anger — I am protecting my peace at all costs. If something drains me, disrupts my focus, overwhelms my life, or adds unnecessary stress, I choose to step away.
Since I started setting boundaries, God has removed people from my life that I never thought I could grow apart from. I resisted at first, but I now understand that my peace is sacred. Not everyone can come with me into this new season — and that is perfectly okay. I would rather be surrounded by people who embrace me fully than compromise my authenticity to fit into someone else’s expectations.
As Mary J. Blige famously said, “Take me as I am, or have nothing.” I have never felt this focused, disciplined, or consistent. Choosing myself over constant pleasing has allowed me to show up fully for myself. I no longer argue to be understood or worry about universal approval — I am not for everybody, and that is okay. Even Jesus had boundaries.
Some Personal Practices That Protect My Peace
Over time, I’ve discovered small, intentional practices that help me maintain my mental and emotional wellbeing:
Phone on Do Not Disturb – I put my phone on DND at 8 PM every night to protect my rest and create uninterrupted space for myself.
Calm Communication – I do not raise my voice when speaking to others. If someone raises their voice at me, I kindly ask them to stop, and if they continue, I walk away. My mental energy is too precious to argue.
Family Boundaries – When my mom and sister have arguments and try to put me in the middle (which happens often), I don’t engage. I allow them to discuss their issues without involving me. It might seem mean or insensitive, but it protects my peace. I’ve been caught in the middle of their conflicts my entire life, and it completely drains me.
Journaling, Prayer, and Silence – I journal my thoughts, talk to God, and sit in silence to reflect and hear myself clearly. These practices help me process and center myself.
I encourage you to find what works for you and try incorporating it into your daily routine. Protecting your peace looks different for everyone — the key is being intentional about it.
Practical Steps to Protect Your Peace
Know Your Limits – Reflect on what drains your energy or triggers stress. Honoring these feelings is the first step in setting boundaries.
Learn to Say No (Without Guilt) – No is a complete sentence. You do not need to justify why you are prioritizing yourself.
Curate Your Circle – Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and uplift your authentic self.
Create Daily Rituals – Journaling, prayer, meditation, quiet reflection, or any activity that restores your energy is non-negotiable.
Check In Regularly – Boundaries aren’t static. Reflect on your limits and adjust them as your life evolves.
Challenge: Protect Your Peace This Week
Try this actionable challenge:
Identify Your Drains – Write down the people, situations, or commitments that leave you depleted.
Set One Boundary – Choose one drain and create a clear boundary. Example: “I will not check emails after 8 PM” or “I will not engage in family conflicts that don’t involve me.”
Communicate Kindly – You don’t need a long explanation. Your peace is reason enough.
Reflect – Journal how honoring this boundary affected your energy, focus, and peace.
Remember: Setting boundaries is an act of radical self-love. Protecting your peace isn’t selfish — it’s essential. Start small, stay consistent, and watch your life transform as you show up fully for yourself.
